The job I want. The life I want: Fancy a new job with a piss pay?

I will stop with the ‘yo momma so fat’ jokes at some point. Right now, that’s entertaining me. My mind looks to being in a state of dangerous disarray.

Recent 5 minute conversation between me and the allegedly new employer. (Bear in mind: I don’t earn a good salary and nor do I have a lovely apartment next to KLCC)

HR: Nalina, how soon can you start?

Nalina: As soon as possible.

HR: Ok good, now with regards to your pay, and looking at what you asked for, is RM XXXX fine with you?

Nalina: WHATTTTTTTTTT???? Why-don’t-you-go-fuck-a-spider?!?!? Uhmm, maam, was that what I wrote?

HR: Hehehhehehehhahah...no no...but I assure you, you are being paid higher than most employees your level and even higher than a 31 year old employee with us, if that makes you feel comfortable.

Nalina: What is he the janitor?...Uhmmmm ok...Can’t you increase it, as my workload is going to be quite massive and the late nights you know. I need to be compensated. Because sometimes I feel I’am the servant to the world.

HR: She laughed like papa smurf. I swear it was a papa smurf laugh. No, that’s the last.

Nalina: Let me get back to you in a few days?

HR: Okay sure.

Nalina: Thank you.

My dad is going to pay for this, as it is his GOOD friend’s company and he had pulled some strings for me to get an interview. I’ am going to go crazy. He told me they pay well. It’s even lower than my current employer. Hence the thought of go fuck a spider. One wonders why.

Operation piss my dad off on a Friday afternoon. Taking a short break from operation slutto.Happy Merdeka.

Me: I want to work for UN. Quick do your thing.

Dad: Raises eyebrows.....Huh?

Me: Please don’t laugh, but I want to join the UN, how to join the UN? What do I need to do/have?

Dad: What?

Me: Oh Lord......I wanna join UNNNNNN.

Dad: Why?

Me: World peace.

Dad: Are you all right?

Me: I’ am A-OK.

Dad: So why all of a sudden UN?

Me: World peace. (now please picture my idiot face when i said this)

Then I understood I had to be a little bit meatier with my description.

Me: I just want to help. Make this world a better place. Too many civilians dying, enless bloodbath, chaotic middle east, you know world peace daddy cool? Innocent lives, stupid governments, security councils my ass, terrorism, better food/education programme I WILLLL DOO ITTTTTT....UN’s failure here and there. I wanna do somethinggg…how many people rely on UN relief agencies to survive....you know..?

Dad: How did you become sooooo humanitarian all of a sudden?

Me: I have always been........I didn’t murder my boss, I’ am saddened by Saddam’s execution, you have no right to take a person’s life. And the disgusting videos of that circulating on the internet. Let the man at least die in peace. There must have been something good he did to at least deserve this. They mocked him to death and his hanging corpse as well. Not an ounce of remorse. It’s only natural for me to be saddened by such a thing. I mean I do realise he is the perfect villain of all times. I just lost my appetite with all this. The day I lost my appetite was the day I realised I’d become humanitarian.

Dad: Laughs, don’t be funny, can you take me to TMC (grocery store) ah? I need to get some things.

Me: How serious people take me sometimes. Where is your optimism.

Me: I don’t know the way to TMC. Ask Saritha(my lazy fat sister)

.....................

A little perspective would be good.

I would have been a good teacher or a good psychologist.I'am the accidental accountant.I just know it.

Write me up as weird or loserville potential or why do i always seem to write about conversations between me and dad. I don’t really care. As always.

To uphold the next Olympics, it appears that China wanted to improve their English....Uhmmm.......So far so good.

Picture: China and English.
Sense of unease,
Nelly.