God couldn't let it live

It feels stuffy in here. The air.

There’s a huge Christmas tree right next to me. All fully decorated. May the spirit of Christmas come to me.

Simply a Tuesday.

Battle. I fight I fight and I fight.

But what happens if it keeps coming back?

I can’t bring myself to write everything. But, whatever I can.

I’ll try and make it as funny as possible. I promise.

I’ am getting by

Don’t worry, I’ am not suicidal or anything. I’am a very practical person. I think I’am the most practical person I know.

Giraffes don’t fly.

Shit. I’am faltering. Ok ok.

I work everyday. I work with this person everyday for a while now. Day and night. Weekends and etc. And the beauty of it is that, he never complains. I’am a workaholic (Audit trained).He is with me through out the day.Working,fighting,bitching,cheering me up and the whole lot.

After a while, I grew attached to him, and looked forward to work everyday because I know I can rely on him.

I don’t think I’ve met any smarter engineer, who could have grasped finance so quickly and well.

To think of all those things that are worth remembering is just way too much and as to how you can be so fond of someone in such a short time is strange. It could be my eff-ed up subconscious mind that’s playing up as usual and not magic. Don’t know anymore. To tell you exactly how I feel is a waste of time, because you simply can’t comprehend this complex many-sided stupid thing. How does it feel when you look for someone every morning, just so your whole morning would turn out nice.

If you find this post very sappy and shit. You can fuck off right now. Just telling you nicely. I will bite back. Latest opinion: life is like that. WTF?

So today, looking at his vacant cubicle for the 2^nd day, with a box on top of it with all his things I had put in yesterday. I miss him intolerably. I was numb since yesterday and getting on with life. I will definitely. It’s just that I need time because I don’t really like god right now. His face and his laughter keeps flashing by me. His deep voice just keeps ringing in my ears. I’am not crazy, but I’am just writing. I don’t even have a picture with you. Thats what’s even funnier. I’ll make a small confession, I took some of his things and kept it. Like his Dr.backbone thing where you sling it around your chair and it’s supposedly good for your backbone, if you are a work whore like me. Looking at all your handwritings and all our stupid notes back and forth bitching about the bosses is making me queasy.Somewhat.And how we have divided our work appropriately and together seeing this audit through with minimal help as we do not have hands. He wanted to go, but I wheedled him to stay and assured him you’d get the right amount of finance exposure by the end of this term. He said ok.

I’am not going for RK’s birthday without you, no way I’am getting a LOSER tag alone. Nah ah.(RK-Roshan Kumar is my spinster bosses 3 year old dog)-she is having a bash for him and invited Vick and I.Invitation cards to the both of us and all.

Oh my god. I miss your stupid smile and the way you try to run me down just because you’re freaking smarter, which I thought was very irritating. Along with teaching me how to speak Tamil, because I speak Tamil like a white girl.

I could go on. But then you might need to bring out that vodka.

See I told you I’ am not a good blogger.I wasn’t born to blog.

Mindless finger diarrhea is getting the better of me. I think its time for me to go now. I’am ignoring all signs that remind me of you. I’ll make an effort along with paying attention to all that advice about life. Individuality in you. I knew that. Today you are stealing the limelight!

He died in a car crash last Friday.

I’am stuck in a moment and I can’t get out of it. I don’t like god and U2 right now.

I’am proving a champion of the art of happiness. I keep my cool.

Her Voice

by Oscar Wilde

The wild bee reels from bough to bough
With his furry coat and his gauzy wing,
Now in a lily-cup, and now
Setting a jacinth bell a-swing,
In his wandering;
Sit closer love: it was here I trow
I made that vow,
Swore that two lives should be like one
As long as the sea-gull loved the sea,
As long as the sunflower sought the sun,-
It shall be, I said, for eternity
'Twixt you and me!
Dear friend, those times are over and done;
Love's web is spun.
Look upward where the poplar trees
Sway and sway in the summer air,
Here in the valley never a breeze
Scatters the thistledown, but there
Great winds blow fair
From the mighty murmuring mystical seas,
And the wave-lashed leas.
Look upward where the white gull screams,
What does it see that we do not see?
Is that a star? or the lamp that gleams
On some outward voyaging argosy,
Ah! can it be
We have lived our lives in a land of dreams!
How sad it seems.
Sweet, there is nothing left to say
But this, that love is never lost,
Keen winter stabs the breasts of May
Whose crimson roses burst his frost,
Ships tempest-tossed
Will find a harbour in some bay,
And so we may.
And there is nothing left to do
But to kiss once again, and part,
Nay, there is nothing we should rue,
I have my beauty,-you your Art,
Nay, do not start,
One world was not enough for two
Like me and you.

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