Emotional Rescue

I had many drafts for this post simply because I have some things I want to write but nothing is coming out quite right because my tummy is killing me and I ran out of Panadol menstrual…ahhhhhhh

What's a dilemma? Not like in Nelly and Kelly dilemma, but like a real ass one. I have had too many things to hear of late that just makes me wonder about life, love and people. It all actually boils down to the strength and power of letting go because of life’s unexpectancies .Say for example, a man and a woman married for like forever 20 years? And then he strays for many reasons or that it’s just that he is an adulterous SOB. The love you thought you once had and thought that it would never change...changes..it does happen. We just need to identify with this. Your wife dies and leaves you hanging with 4 kids or even a good friend on his/her death bed gets up and gets well(miracles do happen as well)..or random stuff that hits you and clouds every damn thing that you had planned out or screws up your plan or wishes....change for better or worse.

I want to talk about emotional flexibility (it eats up emotional intelligence)..Speaking from an emo rubble case myself, everyone needs an eye opener from time to time. Learning to accept the fact that IT CAN HAPPEN, hope and to not bring the past into the future and let go and live our best lives. All the what if’s should be well thought-out and read into, to a certain extent and not pushed away......the better we become.

Do not switch off the red light.

Okay that's the sappy part of this entry, but now, I would like to share with you stuff you did not know about me. I think.

1. Sunny beach holidays sipping pina caloda enjoying the beach and sun. DON’T BOTHER CALLING me, because I’ am extremely vain about my skin colour. I hate the sun. It makes me darker than I already am. My colour is precious. So yeah, no sun block it does not work.

2. I’ am breaking the cycle by going to the gym every Mondays, Thursdays and Sundays, eating healthy and etc. Mondays and Thursdays is spinning class where I get dog breathless and Sunday is light weight training. Think Charlize think Charlize..

Just so, if I ever had a daughter and she turns out like Charlize for some reason.....you know, she can go around singing ‘ I got it from my mama..uhhh yeah yeah I gottt it from my mama’

3. I sometimes could not be arsed about the VPL code. Visible Panty Line. And wear whatever grannies I have (my fav) as I hate thongs (never thought it was sexy in any way at all).I don’t only have grannies, i have those other boy shorts and etc. Relationship blunders.Just you picture me wearing a grandma panty doing some serious seductive singing to Gwen Stefani's ' can i have it like that, you got it like that'....ah ah ah...'can i have it like that, you got it like that' - now we talking steamy foreplay baby. No VPL

4. I don’t shave. I go to the wax parlour all the time, every month and spend a lot of money because I don’t quite get the whole spend according to your means or considering a cheaper option like wax strips you can get from pharmacies...nope don’t know that...as I bought a pair of cute ballet shoes from Aldo 2 days ago when i'am so broke and need to save. The way of life!!

5. If there’s one thing that makes me puke, its mayonnaise.hate it with all my heart. I stare at the burger man if he forgets I said’ no mayo please’....he is scared of me now.

6. I’ am entertained with the I want a fat babe song by the snackstreet boys, a remake of I want it that way by the backstreet boys.

7. I’ am not photogenic but I’ am a vain pot. Not ashamed to admit that.

8. I will not be caught dead wearing a bra without pads or pushed up.

9. I’ am afraid of intimacy.

10. I’ am in love with Madonna because she holds the flag of beauty has no age limit!


It’s officially day 2 of the menstruating cycle.

Wild thoughts of me.

Nalina.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B2cr3liOoEw

Bittersweet

Next week would mark my last day with KPMG and I’ am kind of having mixed feelings. I don’t really want to vent this out as I haven’t found the right words to describe how I feel.Yup, I haven’t found the right words to express how I really feel. Remembering my first interesting day and now and how time has passed so quickly, I can still remember my first assignment at Petronas as a junior and - good times. I’am rather lucky to be in Dept A7 (could be a contradicting) statement, but I’am talking on a whole different circumstance altogether. The need for basic forgiveness is essential (flexible).

Friends we have made or lost. Things learnt. How we grew. Found the right chemistry amongst a few and kept that or even lost that (situational sometimes). Finger pointing. I’am bad. You are bad. I hate you. I like you. You came in late today. Have you filled in your timesheet? Have you paid for the trip? Where we going for lunch today. Hey just send out an email saying I’am on medical today. Lunches up till 4pm. MIA (learnt from the best, sorry). I hate that person I’am gonna kill him and make it look like an accident. That ass hasn’t reviewed my file yet. Shit, 19 pages of queries. I’am sleepy. Anybody got any food. Why don’t people ever cooperate silently. Just open up my PC and mess my place up a lil, I’am still sleeping will come in as soon. I was at a clients?! Can you speak English? Hey who got caught having sex in the stairway?! Is our pay in yet?. Why so late?. Don’t make this a habit, work starts at 9am latest. I have claimed as much as the budget can burst itself. 200 more days my last day. Can’t take it. Its your birthdayyyyy. Wheres the WIP?. Partners. I want the accounts NOW. Outstanding outstanding outstanding ok. Urgent. Yayy I’am going for training. The Best: MY DL KPMG GLOBAL( who took my ruler?). Estate visits. Debit the window and credit my fingernails. Follow ups. MC Hammer. EL Kings and Queens. I miss my secretary and the other one has a built in amplifier in her throat. LOUD. Stop chatting or interneting all day, do some work as well. Who took my cable?. A lot more profanity involved. Do not touch my coffee. Does it look like my cubicle is a one stop stationery savior. Can you print?

I did not add any grizzle.

The simple life with KPMG.

I was clearing up my inbox and found an email from an ex-staff working with me at that time:

Baby, I tried doing the tax, but the cibai part is the thing just refuse to tie, pukimak cibai lanciau fucker... you have a look at it cos I checked a couple of times but still couldn’t see the light, hehehe. However, those boxes I highlighted in turquoise need input from client (esp those interest restrictions). Can you get the info form client for me, thanks? I be doing my medical checkup in the morning, and be coming back ard noon to do my clearance and play phantasm with this tax.Do take a look at Yvonne fatty’s template, her one runs too, but not as much as mine, hehehe.

I’ll give you (those of you know who) 3 guesses who sent me that. But you’ll only need one.

My last trip with them,half gone anyway. Photos from cherating.


Hani and I.
Again.

Whatever thats left.

When Harry met Sally.

Games.

Gangstahs paradise: The Wu Tang Clan.
Haaraj and me.Group Pic.

Beach play.

Games again.

Uhmmm.Interesting games.

Before bus ride.

'Nah, not like daddy.No way'

Futsal- Team Malaysia.

Goallll.

Goal again.

Haaraj and I.

Nice nice.

Random.

Poll dancing gone very wrong.

I tried again.

Posers.

Hani and Fadzli.

Me and Sinny.

Food.

Jumppppp.

Where are you Charlie? Your angels on the loose.

Sin Han loves animals.No intention of hurting them.

If you (my colleagues are reading this), I would like to say that journalism is a risk.

End.

Bear Tales

Okay....I know I told a few people that I’d write about my trip to Cherating last weekend...but....I simply have to talk about more important things.

A nervous breakdown.

Have any of you experienced a proper nervous breakdown before?

As per Wikipedia, a nervous breakdown - is a non-medical term used to describe a sudden, acute attack of mental illness such as depression or anxiety. When used in common social discourse, the term often has pejorative connotations.
Specific cases are usually described as a "breakdown" only after a person becomes unable to function in day-to-day life due to mental illness. At that point the person's condition is advanced, and seeking professional aid is likely advisable.
Like the term “sanity,” the terms "nervous breakdown" and "mental breakdown" have no medical definition and are not used in a clinical sense. However, the medical or personal problems precipitating a sudden breakdown may well benefit from professional medical or psychological treatment.
A mental breakdown is not the same as a panic attack, though mental breakdowns can trigger panic

And now, instances of where I think I had a nervous breakdown.

Recently,

1) At Zara, my favourite clothing store, because it fits me nice, it fits me well. I’am tall and it accommodates taller people. No other place in Nalina world.
One beautiful morning, when I realised I had to get more work clothes, I skipped work to attack Zara and was eyeing this dress on display and wanted to try it on.

Me: Can I have that in size M please. (Like royalty, with a lot of confidence)

Sales girl: Sure thing

Me: Thanks (I have always been a size M from the time I hit puberty)

As I was trying it on. I realised it got stuck and kept getting stuck at my breathtaking Indian hips and with a lot of force I still could not gracefully slip it up. Ahhhh...a jolt of light came through me.....ting!!!....This size M is not actually a M.....change for another size M.

Me: Could I have another M please. I think this ones a defect.Mood messed up at this point.

Sales girl: Looked me from top to bottom and sarcastically said ‘Ok sure’

Me: I gave her my how would you like your slap face.

Still can’t fit into it

Me: About to get into a bitch fit, ‘Can I have a few more size Ms please'.

Sales girl: Ok

Can’t get into them either. Tough times.

Sales girl: Looking alarmed. and fired a question. Ma’am, how about if I got you a size L instead?. Saying this like you know like’ Hey why don’t you get a size L? Size L yours to enjoy you large woman…’

Me: Wide eyed near bitch fit. wanna slap you little midget face if you say another word. difficulties breathing while i can feel cold sweat on my face. and trying to blink. eyes still wide open at the echoing sounds of SIZE L in my head.

-----> Thats right. My first proper nervous breakdown.Social stress.Not able to cope with the change of size from M to L.

2) The night I had quit my job (again with confidence) without another job and blamed it on career burnout.

3) When I was 14 and Jon Bon Jovi came to Malaysia, my parents refused to allow me to go see him because I had term exams. Even when I rolled on the carpet from one end to the other kicking and screaming.....’ Pleaseeeee pleaseeeee let me go or I’ll just dieeeeeee’

4) When someone in my extended family told me that I have no talent and I’am not smart at all. He is old. SO I forgive him. Or else, I would have hurt him badly. There has to be something I’am good at right? God made every one different and unique. You know what. I can draw like Picasso. ( Just ask Prianna for confirmation, she’ll tell you)

That’s all for now.

Foreseeable nervous breakdown - At my new company. I’am quite sure of that.

‘You will do foolish things, but do them with enthusiasm’ – Colette

Seriously, I have regained all my self worth after that quote.

The job I want. The life I want: Fancy a new job with a piss pay?

I will stop with the ‘yo momma so fat’ jokes at some point. Right now, that’s entertaining me. My mind looks to being in a state of dangerous disarray.

Recent 5 minute conversation between me and the allegedly new employer. (Bear in mind: I don’t earn a good salary and nor do I have a lovely apartment next to KLCC)

HR: Nalina, how soon can you start?

Nalina: As soon as possible.

HR: Ok good, now with regards to your pay, and looking at what you asked for, is RM XXXX fine with you?

Nalina: WHATTTTTTTTTT???? Why-don’t-you-go-fuck-a-spider?!?!? Uhmm, maam, was that what I wrote?

HR: Hehehhehehehhahah...no no...but I assure you, you are being paid higher than most employees your level and even higher than a 31 year old employee with us, if that makes you feel comfortable.

Nalina: What is he the janitor?...Uhmmmm ok...Can’t you increase it, as my workload is going to be quite massive and the late nights you know. I need to be compensated. Because sometimes I feel I’am the servant to the world.

HR: She laughed like papa smurf. I swear it was a papa smurf laugh. No, that’s the last.

Nalina: Let me get back to you in a few days?

HR: Okay sure.

Nalina: Thank you.

My dad is going to pay for this, as it is his GOOD friend’s company and he had pulled some strings for me to get an interview. I’ am going to go crazy. He told me they pay well. It’s even lower than my current employer. Hence the thought of go fuck a spider. One wonders why.

Operation piss my dad off on a Friday afternoon. Taking a short break from operation slutto.Happy Merdeka.

Me: I want to work for UN. Quick do your thing.

Dad: Raises eyebrows.....Huh?

Me: Please don’t laugh, but I want to join the UN, how to join the UN? What do I need to do/have?

Dad: What?

Me: Oh Lord......I wanna join UNNNNNN.

Dad: Why?

Me: World peace.

Dad: Are you all right?

Me: I’ am A-OK.

Dad: So why all of a sudden UN?

Me: World peace. (now please picture my idiot face when i said this)

Then I understood I had to be a little bit meatier with my description.

Me: I just want to help. Make this world a better place. Too many civilians dying, enless bloodbath, chaotic middle east, you know world peace daddy cool? Innocent lives, stupid governments, security councils my ass, terrorism, better food/education programme I WILLLL DOO ITTTTTT....UN’s failure here and there. I wanna do somethinggg…how many people rely on UN relief agencies to survive....you know..?

Dad: How did you become sooooo humanitarian all of a sudden?

Me: I have always been........I didn’t murder my boss, I’ am saddened by Saddam’s execution, you have no right to take a person’s life. And the disgusting videos of that circulating on the internet. Let the man at least die in peace. There must have been something good he did to at least deserve this. They mocked him to death and his hanging corpse as well. Not an ounce of remorse. It’s only natural for me to be saddened by such a thing. I mean I do realise he is the perfect villain of all times. I just lost my appetite with all this. The day I lost my appetite was the day I realised I’d become humanitarian.

Dad: Laughs, don’t be funny, can you take me to TMC (grocery store) ah? I need to get some things.

Me: How serious people take me sometimes. Where is your optimism.

Me: I don’t know the way to TMC. Ask Saritha(my lazy fat sister)

.....................

A little perspective would be good.

I would have been a good teacher or a good psychologist.I'am the accidental accountant.I just know it.

Write me up as weird or loserville potential or why do i always seem to write about conversations between me and dad. I don’t really care. As always.

To uphold the next Olympics, it appears that China wanted to improve their English....Uhmmm.......So far so good.

Picture: China and English.
Sense of unease,
Nelly.

Yet another estate.

Picture of the palm oil estate.

Picture caption: I'am so a town person

Picture of the office
Picture caption: Sophistication at its best

Thinking of something intellectual to write, I just remembered I’ve got some grisly pictures of the estate that I audited (yes I’am still with KPMG, just for another 2 more months). I have been doing these estate audits at least once a year(Sarawak,Johor and etc)Palm oil estates. For those of you, who do not know what this is, please click on the link below.

http://www.mpob.gov.my/

What to expect while you’re there:-

1) To all comers: Red ants crawling up freely in your jeans and possibly into your underpants.

2) You need to hold your pee/whatever else until you reach the hotel.

3) Refer to no.2 – I get this huge repulsion when asked to use public toilets- even if it is a matter of life and death. I assume you would be able to make out the unbelievable condition of the toilets after looking at the pictures above. Only-if-iam-dying.Maybe.

4) Did I mention constipation? - refer point 2 and 3.

5) You need to speak ‘Kampung’ Malay- ‘Kampung’ means village. (Does not really help when you town Malay sucks crap( I mixed up saya and aku(rude)-both means’me’, and kamu and engkau(rude)-both means ‘you’- I fall into the impolite category, which usually gets me filthy stares, along with my propensity of smiling from ear to ear after that.

6) You get fat – because they constantly feed you this yummy food and I’am, as you would expect, a greedy pig.

7) You can’t wear anything that is too low cut, as it is a ‘kampung’ area. No hard feelings. It’s just that they are likely to go crazy sometimes.

And they say they’ll look after you and give you first class treatment.See below.My transportation.We got picked up in this.Pimp my ride?

I asked the driver to turn on the radio and then I looked at the speakers and he smiled.

On the way home( windows were broken-quite windy)

Almost there

Home

Lets not get into where we stayed or had lunch at.

You need to get into the estate by 9am, but I’am only up by 8:30, so I’am there at 10. After work, you ought to tell your juniors to continue working, so you save time on the workload the next day...but...I tell them....” lets go to the DVD shop and buy Prison Break and Desperate Housewives”.....then we can all watch!!!!’’....kids, think about tomorrow when it comes, it’s another day, so don’t worry about that today.Geez.Lighten up.

The next day = pulling out all my hair in stress, looking like Einstein trying to get things done before its time to go home.

This is as far as intellectual and I can go darling : )

I found a book in my sister's drawer that made me stiff and think about myself. It wasn’t sweet valley high, as I’d imagine, but it was “ Mein Kampf”, written by Adolf Hitler, in jail..his political ideals,his beliefs and motivation,and his struggle to consolidate Germany into one great nation.( I just read the back of the book)..Enough for me to know what the heck it is.SHIT MAN. My sister reads that. I think. It could be just there. You know, not hers.

......

I’ll write about Malaysia’s independence after this. Or the stock market crash after this.Or..ohhh shut up I’am going to sleep now.

I need to be on a stern diet- look at my arms, quadruple chin and cheeks : ‘(

Photo caption: a picture tells you a thousand words. In this case only yells 4- FATTY LOOSE SOME WEIGHT.

Sudden craving: Dried chilli pan mee with vegetable soup followed by nutella and vanilla ice cream. Uhhhh heavennn is a placeee on earthhhh.

Bye.

It’s my blog and it’s my right baby

Bobby Brown people: Itsss myyy perogativeeee.....yeah yeahhhh

I had to change my status to ‘married’ on the ONLY public page I have because of incessant gag me up messages like this.

The title of the message: LOVE

Message:

HAI! I AM X, A AGRICULTURAL SCIENTIST, I LIKE TO HAVE RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU.PLEASE,KINDLY RESPONSE.I AM YOUNG AND ENERGETIC.HOMELY FIGURE,EXCERCISE BODY,VERY ATTRACTIVE,HANDSOM,CLUBABLE MAN.SELF EMPLOYED,AGRICULTURAL GRADUATE DOING MY OWN RESEARCH FOR THE UPLIFTMENT OF POOR INDIAN FARMERS.SOVIAL.WILLING TO WORK HARD TO MAKE MY LOVE STRONG.NEVER SMOKE,NEVER DRINK.IAM FROM TAMILNADU AGRICULTURAL UNIVERISITY,I LIKE TO PLAY SHUTTLE COCK AND DO GARDENING.LIKE TO READ HORRY POTTER BOOKS. I WANT TO MEET YOUNG BEAUTIFUL GIRL OF ANY ORIGIN.READY TO MARRY.

........

This just took the cake. I had to I had to ok I’am sorry but this was screaming blog material. I’am sorry I had to cut and paste this here since I just could not put it to words, I tried I swear-I even silently asked the fairy god mother to help me put that into proper sentences, and even she cried. Thus, no help. This person sent me the same message long ago which I obviously didn’t reply, and he sent me this again today, I gave him one chance, did it again .So sorry bugger,blog material it is .I came into work today as usual in the vein of the red carpet entrance with flowers thrown at me as it was roughly 10am! So what’s usually the first thing I do? Check email, check this and that and then get down to business. So I made myself my coffee (Yes Miss Dallas Diary, from time to time I make my own coffee!) and sat down and opened friendster and clicked on new messages and read the above and nearly had a vision of Elvis Presley. Near death. The coffee nearly came up to my nose. Accordingly, I had to blog this people. Did I tell you they called me a bitch back in high school? No? BEEYATCH.

I need to be taught that people are different and what’s cool and not to them are different and I should not be judgmental. HEY. I hate people judging me, so I should not judge. Practice what you preach Nelly. This also boils down to another problem with me, I get aggravated with everyone. See when I was about to go to uni, and being the lost soul that I’am, obviously didn’t know what to do. Being Indian, if you’re not a lawyer,doctor,engineering or etc.Only 5, iam sure its only 5.You labeled a dirty rascal that didn’t do the right thing. So I wanted to do psychology and my dad jumped at me like as if I was a mad woman. So I had to do accountancy simply because I did not have enough money to fund my own education (you get the picture) - Veto

What did this little rascal do, I took all the psych electives. Hehe. I took an elective which had elements of human normal and abnormal behavior, body language and etc. So I should know how to deal with people and get less pissed off at everything right?. But it ain’t working hunny. I need to sign up for a course called people management or anger management or something. But what do you do when people say 'I like to play shuttle cock' ? Understand me! Understand me!

A reflection: Why don’t I ever get nice messages from shirtless sweaty hunks that call me cute and wanna buy me some wine and bread and butter pudding instead of ‘ I like to play shuttle cock and read horry potter’.

Shit did I just say bread and butter pudding. I can be quite random.

But thank you very much Mr. Agricultural boy, I’am not going to kindly response and I’am sorry to break your green heart.

Everyday we learn something new. Million dollar question for you: What the spiderman is ‘clubable’ man? Can anyone please tell me?


Bacardi Brezer anyone?

Amuse me.

Love,
Me.

Family Ties: Sister Sister

Good morning and welcome to the stinky world of no sisters.

Underneath it all: I can’t live without my sisters.


I’am stuck all alone with the cats (my parents), with no sisters to share my miseries with. Dhis is in Melbourne studying and been there for a good 5 months by now and Sarithas gone to visit her and I’am not happy.

I have always wanted an older brother because somehow you’d feel protected always knowing that there’s someone above you that would look after a lil sister – the good life.

But to think of it, I suppose I’am happy with my two sisters just fine. The three of us have a weird bond that most trios don’t have I believe. We are not friends. But sisters. But we care for each other and don’t admit nor show it (never)

Dhis – Mini me. Always nice to me when she wants something. Money. Shopping. Secret Recipe. We both think that sister no.2 needs a great deal of help with everything.

Saritha – Plain dumb

I know why the reason for this blog. Since I’am not used to being alone at home and for f’s sake this is the first freakin time at home by myself with not even one sister (crisis) and it feels a little strange because somehow my blood pressure is normal and this usually isn’t the case. Maybe I’am having serious withdrawal symptoms hammering their heads somewhere. Gosh, I’am just thinking about those only childers and etc. Cheerless.

Growing up in a family of 3 girls was and is incredibly enjoyable and I just can’t imagine life without them and I swear I will take this blog down tomorrow just before my sisters see them – then I may need the ground to open up and swallow me. Noooooo.

Song of the day = Paul Oakenfold - Starry eyed surprise

Photo caption: The day I killed the fashion police.

The two cute Biao Xis. BX 2, next time you wear that flowered “ Ohh I'am a rock star Slash come Richie Sambora eat me baby” shirt. I will cry. In public. I will. Not just any cry. Like an old unrestricted Indian lady hitting her chest with both hands at a funeral cry. GET RID OF THAT SHIRT CHILD.

Gosh I have never been so unemployed and never been so bored and never thought the day would come where I’d actually ramble about my sisters.

God save the world.

I Will Survive

At first I was afraid, I was petrified

When you said you had 10 inches, Lord I almost died

But I'd spent oh so many years just waiting for a man that long

That I grew strong, and knew that I could take you on

But there you are... another lie,I was geared up for a Big Mac and you've brought me a French fry

I should have known it was bullshit, just a sad, pathetic dream

Should have known no anaconda would be lurking in those jeans...

Go on now go... walk out the door

Don't you promise me 10 inches then turn up with only 4

Weren't you a prat to think that I wouldn't catch you out

Don't you know we're only joking when we say size doesn't count!

(Chorus) I will survive, I will survive

Cos as long as I have batteries my sex life is gonna thrive!

I will always have good sex with a handful of latex

I will survive, I will survive. . .
hey hey

It took all my self-control not to laugh out loud

When I saw your little wiener standing tall and proud

But to hell with all your ego's and to hell with all your needs

Now I'm saving all my lovin' for a cordless multi-speed

Go on now go...
you'd better flee

Last time I saw a pr*ck that small was on my brother... he was 3

I should have asked for confirmation, should have asked for referees

Then I wouldn't have you waving that wee winky thing at me

Go on now go... just hit the track

Don't you bring me home no tiddlers 'cos I'll always throw them back

The only thing that I could do with a pr*ck as small as yours is to stick it with a tooth-pick, dip it in tomato sauce

(Chorus) Go on now go... get out of my sight

I'm going back to my appliance 'cos I know it's length is right

And if I ever see your tiny truncheon standing at my door

You'll be counting up your inches as you pick them off the floor

Go on now go...



-----> I don't know why, I laugh like mad, when ever i read this. LOL

Symptomatic of deeper issues

Tick tick – Biological clock.

Hi.

I can’t stand this to any further extent.

It’s too comical.

I WANT A BABY. A BABY OF MY OWN.

There.

Take a look at the babies that I’ am/ I was frequently around with.

Neil, you're still my no.1...

My classmate's baby...cutie cutie Rania...

Or else even these pictures that make me......

I love babies and always have. But now I want a baby of my own. I’ am not saying that am ready to be married or what. I just want a baby.

What might discourage me:

My secretary and I were in a lift once together, and she, mind you, is half my size.

See picture of my wide hips.

AND she has previously dropped a kid, and someone turned to me and asked how many kids do you have?

DO I LOOK LIKE A FAT MOMMA THAT HAS POPPED KIDS?

I was well pissed. Lady, next time you say something like that, there will be dangerous consequences all right.

……

Father-daughter conversation this morning.

Disclaimer: Father – Ambitious and energetic man.

Daughter – No coffee. Less effective, screwed up and had not combed her hair yet, while walking around with her bath rob (Picture medusa without coffee)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Medusa.jpg

Dad: When’s your last day with KPMG?

Me: Blinks. Blinks again. 2 and a half months time.

Dad: So what’s Plan B?

Me: Looking as retarded as possible and almost shocked to see a human. Uhmmm..I’am still waiting for my Australian PR and as soon as I get that, am off to Australia.

Dad: laughs (you know that laugh when you laugh at a dumbo)..I know, but what if you don’t get in within the next 2 and half months, you still need a job until then, correct?

Me: Yes

Dad: SO?

Me: Calls mum…I want coffeeeeee.

Dad: Hello?

Me: Heheh

Dad: At least, do you have any savings to sustain yourself?. I’ am sure you have right?

Me: Coughed like a TB patient and ran to the toilet and stayed there for 15 minutes.

Dad: Comes outside the bathroom door. How much money in the savings?

Me: Stuffs the tooth brush with half a tube of Colgate into my mouth and mumbling gibberish.

Dad: Can I see your bank book?

Even the greatest auditors hurt when a question like that is posed to them. Questions like this are bad for the self – esteem of auditors in Malaysia.

Me: Coughed like pretended to puke. Don’t trouble me, I think I’ am not well. I’ am throwing up badly .Think I can see some stains of blood. Talk to you later ok?

Dad: Ahh. Ok....he runs off to tell my mum to check on me..he then turns the radio on…and what song is playing...this: tonighttt I celebrateee my loveeee for youuuuuuu......

Me: I’ am royally fuct when I return home from work today.

Savings account: Don’t have one.

Normal account: RM 350 to last me till the 26th.

Please do not be fooled by my short-term failure. I strive to be on the cover of the Time magazine someday.

Who’s having coffee with me today? While you’re at it, bring a dagger along.

:)